I never gave myself the chance to let go and then I woke up. I woke up to a lie that never had any truth in it. I was confused about the way I was feeling. I knew that everything and everyone around me would question, what happened, but I remembered, that I wasn't alone. There are many women who have faced what I have faced the last thirteen years of my life. I almost want to say, I was a coward for allowing myself esteem to be taken from me that way. I loved everything about the life I was living. Sure we all have problems, but I couldn't see beyond my hurts. I couldn't give myself the approval to move on, instead, I closed my eyes and prayed that it would get better. Well, I was wrong and I woke up. I woke up to the lie that has followed me through my life. I saw it falling apart along time ago, but i just continued to pray. I asked God for his help and He gave it to me. I just didn't want that help. I knew what I wanted and it became evident that I was now faced with the chance of never finding what true love is, if I continued in the relationship I was in. Was it all my fault, did I do something that I didn't know? Was I too fat, to loud, too ugly, too honest? I wanted to know, but I realized that if I had to ask someone if I was not good enough for them, than I must not believe that I do deserve better in my life.